In praise of being mild
I really love the sentiment of this quote:
Success doesn’t happen over night. Neither does failure
It takes the legs out from under a couple of limiting ideas in our culture. The first idea is that successful people get lucky; that some single action or bolt of lighting comes to them and then they have some massive success (what ever that means).
The truth is, as Tony Robbins says, we’re rewarded in public for what we practice in private. When we see an apparent overnight success we’re failing to see the hours and years of work in private; the thousands of shots taken and missed, the tiny distinctions made by learning from many micro ‘failures’ over and over (and over) again.
Failure also comes over time. It’s a repeated failure to show up in the little ways. It’s taking comfort over growth each time. It’s putting it off till tomorrow. It’s waiting for the big one.
When we believe success can come over night, we buy into the idea that it can be conjured up by a monumental effort or a big ‘break’. It’s fun to believe this because monumental efforts are heroic and big breaks are sexy. What isn’t sexy is doing a little bit every day (though I do believe it is heroic).
Never mind the giant spicy explosion- I’ll take mild please. Just earnestly do the work today, and a little more the next day. And the next. And forever because it’s your vocation. You’ll have what looks to others like an overnight, giant spicy explosion of success at some point- and you can enjoy it as such…
But you’ll know the truth:
The massive success that comes your way will make perfect sense to you. It will have been the inevitable result of your daily, mild, mundane work.
Utopia
I was editing a video for my website where I was teaching te reo through a magic trick.
I popped out of the situation and laughed at myself- this is only happening because I love magic. I also realised that if I had watched this lesson when I was at school I would have been in heaven! I was creating my own little slice of heaven.
We have an unbelievable opportunity when we create. We get to make exactly what we want exactly the way we want it.
Derek Sivers calls this making your own utopia. I’m in love with this idea. When you begin an endeavor to help people or entertain or move them, you get to make it in the image of your utopia.
If there existed the perfect business for you, a shopping experience that would make you fall on the floor with joy.
A show that would make you gasp and then jump to the ceiling with excitement.
These are our dream scenarios.
What would the thing your working on look like if it absolutely floored you? Blew you away? Changed your life?
Guess what, no one stopping you from making that.
How good. Go build your utopia.
Any moment
I sometimes get tired or bored or overwhelmed.
And then I realise I can make a new choice at any moment.
I sit up like it’s Christmas morning.
I breath like I love myself.
I sparkle my crows feet like a baby caught my eye
I smile like a stranger complimented my teeth
And I think to myself: I decide to be ecstatic now.
A love letter to the American sensibility
I’m in New York seeing shows right now and it’s always here that I’m reminded of a characteristic many Americans have that I adore.
It’s breathtakingly easy to start a conversation with a stranger.
A playful connection.
Finding out what state they’re from.
Feeling their genuine interest in where I’m from and why I’m here.
It’s always while you’re waiting in line or next to someone at a show. You catch a moment or a word and the stranger (either you or them) notices it and forms the connection.
“Oh you saw that show! What did you think, I went with my grandma last weekend”
“Whats that accent?”
Americans specifically are great at this. In New Zealand we’re shy and protective. In America people are curious and quick to connect.
I’d like to steal this trait.
Barrier to entry
A barrier to entry is how difficult it is to execute something.
Creating a fast food chain has a high barrier to entry.
Selling clothes online has a low barrier to entry.
Neither is better or worse, one is just easier to do than the other. That means that if you do something with a low barrier of entry, you’re more likely to have a lot of competition and chances are the endeavour won’t have much value in the market place.
Things that are rare are valuable.
Things that are rare are also harder to do or obtain.
As we get thicker in the weeds on our endeavour, we can take comfort in the fact that the barrier to entry gets higher with every difficult, confusing and potentially painful step forward. All this is also predicated on the fact that you are working intelligently and not slogging unnecessarily on a job you aren’t equiped to do.
Here are some signs the barrier to entry is high for your endeavour:
-Results come only from consistent, compounded action
-Your unique perspective is required
-Your unique cross over of skills is required
-It gets confusing often
-It’s unclear what to do next
There will be more, but that’s a good start to reframe the difficulty.
When it gets hard, it means you’re out at sea searching for gold. It’s also very unlikely anyone else came as far as you did and made as many distinctions as you have.
When it gets difficult, know that victory is near.
The last push
Something amazing happens when you’re on a deadline.
That draft is due.
The assignment needs to be in tomorrow morning.
The product launch is in two days.
A few times I’ve faced impossible time frames- looking at a mountain of work that shouldn’t physically be able to be done in that time.
But knowing there’s no other option but to get it done.
That’s where that mysterious urgent gear kicks in. It might not be your best work (or it might)
We can access this last push in moments of desperation.
In the moments of impossible compulsories.
We’re capable of so much more than we think. Is it possible to access the last push in less stressful situations I wonder?
A book in snippets
Here’s an idea I’ve recently implemented. A few times this week I’ve had to wait unexpectedly. (You can probably guess I’m waiting to have my hair cut right now)
With only my phone, I want to make use to that time beyond checking emails or (god forbid) scrolling social media.
I now make sure I always have something I can chip away at that is on my phone, something that means I can shovel that unused time into a task that compounds. There’s a book I have loaded on my phone that is not a priority read, BUT I do want the goods in my brain. So that has become my way of investing the snatched moments here and there. What should you choose?
Here are some key characteristics to help you choose a task:
-Should be on your phone (as it’s always with you)
-It should take minimal brain power to leap back in
-It should be able to be done in little snippets
-It should contribute to a long term goal
-It shouldn’t be urgent
I’ve been surprised at how often I find myself with these moments. It may well be the secret to success.
Scarcity breeds scarcity
To say there isn’t enough is to beleive there isn’t enough.
To believe there isn’t enough is to act as if there isn’t enough.
Acting like this skews your reality and then there really isn’t enough.
Scarcity breeds scarcity.
The good news is the opposite is true too.
There is more than enough.
Speak, believe and act accordingly.
Marbles in the jar
Someone once told me a great analogy for trust. To begin with, we have a large empty glass jar. That is a LOT of potential! This jar presents itself when we enter into any relationship personal or professional:
Our partner
Our children
Our colleagues
Our employees
Our students
Our friends
In the beginning these are all empty jars. Our job is to fill that jar; with what you ask? Well, trust being something that is earned over time, we need to fill it with trustworthy actions consistently.
In the analogy these actions are represented by marbles in the jar. But you can only put in one marble at a time.
Every interaction is a marble in the jar. Every look, every response to their vulnerability, every acceptance and extension on their ideas, every time they need you, every time they need kindness and understanding. We have an opportunity to put a marble in the jar.
Marbles that say:
I’m here
You can count on me
I won’t shame you
I think the best of you
You put enough marbles in the jar that say these kinds of things and the person has certainty of what to expect from you. That’s trust.
There’s no short cut (thank god); just time and small consistent acts of love.
You can trust me. You can trust me. You can trust me.
When you earn trust in this way, you deserve the most overflowing and beautiful jar of marbles.
Action is identity
Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do.
It’s a lot easier to identify as a writer if you write every day. You can call yourself a potter, but if you make one pot a year you might feel a bit like you’re lying to yourself.
A potter, by definition, makes pots.
A filmmaker makes films.
An actor acts.
You get the idea.
If you want a certain identity, your actions have to be in congruence with it. Not for anyone else, but just for you.
Consistency builds congruence.
James Clear said every time we act in accordance with who we want to be, we cast a vote for that identity.
You can proclaim an identity
Or you can be your identity through the actions you take consistently. Identity isn’t static it’s in your movemennt.
Who do you want to be? And what are you going to do about it?