Gifting beliefs
What is the greatest gift you can give your students?
Or anyone you lead or love.
Candy, obviously.
No, that’s a joke.
It’s belief. And before you switch off at the over used buzz word- I’m not going to tell you you need to believe in them- just hear me out.
It’s gifting them a belief about themselves or about the world.
I’m not talking about the generic ‘believe in yourself’ type, I’m talking functional beliefs.
Let me give you an example.
I had a friend who gifted me a belief.
She didn’t do it by sitting me down one day and saying “Hey, you should believe this”, but she modeled it- lived it and I saw how her world was different to mine.
And the belief was this: Strangers are nice.
That’s it. I didn’t know it, but I actually believed the opposite. I thought strangers were just that- strange. People I don’t know and so I shouldn’t care about and that I can’t expect anything from.
She gifted me a new belief about the world and so a whole new way of operating. The trickle down of a simple shift like this can’t be overstated- I’m a different guy for this new mind set.
So, the question is- what is a beautiful belief about life, the world or themselves you would want to gift to your students or loved ones?
Model that and give that gift to them each day until it’s part of them.
And give them some candy too.
You get what you practice for.
In the past I have fallen into the trap of thinking I’ll perform at my best when the ‘amazing’ opportunity comes along.
When I have to sing in front of 500 people, I can warm up a few times in the lead up and be fine.
Or when I unexpectedly have to teach for an hour straight I’ll magically know all the things and a perfect lesson will tumble out of me.
The reality is, we get what we practice for.
If I’m not constantly working on my voice, there’s no guarantee it’ll show up for me when I need it.
If I’m not honing my lessons, I can’t call upon that body of knowledge when the unexpected opportunity arises.
You get what you practice for.
The question then becomes how do you set yourself up for the ‘amazing’ opportunity today.
I have an actor friend who treats each and every audition like the dream job.
It’s not just about taking it seriously- because it should also be fun- but it’s about having your system and matching your system to the very serious goal you have.
I have no doubt that when he get’s a big feature film gig, the sequence he goes through will look identical to his prep for the no budget short film.
He’s practicing.
Not just that but he’s drilling, learning and stretching as an actor when he’s not working on a particular project.
He’s practicing.
It’s utterly inspiring and a strong reminder to just do what we ‘would’ do then, now.
Don’t wait, practice now and thank yourself later.
Residue
I had a teacher at my school who had this amazing ability.
Whether he’d been shouted at by a student, had to have an uncomfortable meeting with a parent or just had a hard morning-
The very next person he spoke to was always treated with kindness, levity and warmth.
In acting I’ve heard the term ‘residue’ often used. It’s the idea that people carry over experiences that have immediately happened to them into the next moment.
A director might say to me “Justin, your character has just had an argument with his wife in the next room- I want to see the residue of that in this next scene.”
We never see the argument but we feel the residue. It’s a great story telling tactic, but it can be unhelpful in our day to day life.
This teacher of mine had the remarkable ability to get rid of residue.
He understood that any unpleasantness that happened before had nothing to do with who walked through his door next. He took responsibility of the way he might make some one else feel.
How generous.
The opposite of course is to be short tempered with someone who has had nothing to do with your difficult morning.
Here’s two questions I’m asking myself today:
How can we meet people anew in each moment?
What can being searingly present, warm and open in new interactions give us- and most importantly- those around us?
Newton’s Reframe
Ever notice how things we ‘have’ to do are really hard?
Often the types of actions that lead to all the good stuff are the hardest to get ourselves to do.
It reminds me a bit of Newton’s law of every action having an equal and opposite reaction. So for anything really good to come about, the action that caused it has to be equally difficult right?
Well, no.
I think it has to have an opposite action that requires effort, yes. But whether that effort is difficult, bad or excruciatingly hard is up to you.
It’s the difference between ‘having’ to do something and ‘getting’ to do something.
For students, its how we frame things to them. If we can frame the opposite action as fun, interesting or enjoyable, then they can get the benefit without the perceived downside.
For ourselves it’s the same. What is the story we tell ourselves about the actions we ‘need’ to take for the things we want?
We get to be artistic reframers with those we work with and for ourselves. If all the good stuff is on the other side of some effort- we may as well make that effort exquisitely enjoyable.
Words change how we feel
“You’re a liar” vs. “you’re wrong” vs. “you’re mistaken”.
All of these could mean the same thing- but they have different levels of emotional intensity.
So when we speak to others we have a choice- and a responsibility- to be intentional about what we say.
We also have a responsibility to choose the words we say to ourselves.
Is this the end or the beginning?
Did you ruin it all or did you find another way not to get there?
Did you make the wrong choice or does everything happen perfectly?
It’s not about toxic positivity, it’s about intelligent naming.
Let’s choose words that help us and others.
Magic and generosity
What good is a card trick if no one picks a card?
When I was 8 I started doing magic. I was naturally happy playing on my own so magic suited me really well. I’d practice alone for hours and I loved the process of getting a move just right. It was super satisfying.
Problem was I was so shy I didn’t really perform for anyone.
I was practicing for hours but no one got to see the magic- not because I was being selfish or wanted to keep it all to myself- but because I was too afraid.
I think being too afraid to share your magic and being too slefish to share it are as good as the same thing.
We have to be generous enough to neck the nervousness of sharing our magic. To risk the trick going wrong and the ace of hearts not being their chosen card.
Whether you’re too shy or too selfish doesn’t matter.
Get out of your own way and ask them to pick a card.
Match the energy to the task
Recently I gave up coffee.
I know; sad face.
The reason isn’t about coffee so much as the chapter I’m in right now. I’m a naturally excitable person and when you add a strong americano to that at about 10am- well, you get a LOT of positive energy from me.
Being caffeinated creates a certain type of energy in me. It’s great for big ideas, getting the pen going and filling an empty white board. Caffeinated energy plugs me into the visionary mindset; anything is possible, everything it fun and we can do it all.
That’s a great space to be- sometimes.
What I noticed was the chapter I’m in now actually calls for something else.
At the moment my days are solitary. I don’t need to project energy to a room full of 400 kids, or even teach to camera. At the moment my tasks are a cycle of writing, editing, walking or building pages for the website.
These tasks require attention to detail- something that the soaring visionary energy struggles with.
On coffee, I found myself easily caught up with ideas or tasks as they came up while I was trying to get on my quiet calm work.
So I removed it, in favour of an energy source that is more fitted to my rhythm and outputs right now.
So I’m challenging my own belief that all energy is created equal. Just as tasks vary greatly, so too should the energy source we bring to them.
Only count the hard ones
Sometimes you really don’t want to do the thing you promised yourself you’d do every day.
When you end up still doing it on those days, it’s worth 1000 points.
It’s almost like they’re the only ones that count
You already know all you need for this moment.
Sometimes when I’m preparing for a presentation or to deliver some teaching, I get caught up in learning new things that relate to what I’ll be talking about.
Learning is great, and so is research- when we are delivering knowledge to others we should be as geared up as possible.
The problem comes in for me when the learning starts happening too close to the delivery.
I get all excited about some new stats or a specific study and want to include them in the talk. And the talk is tomorrow.
Not super useful.
Sure, we can teach from the book or refer to facts as we need but I find this disconnects me from the change I’m trying to make in the moment.
It also tells my brain a story that I’m ‘reaching’ for things, instead of deeply channelling truths I know.
It’s a bit like an actor learning all the lines and doing all the prep then ‘letting it all go’ when she steps on stage. We can’t experience that transformational flow while we’re trying to compute the fact that the play is set in Vienna in 1916… it doesn’t work.
You know what you know now and that is more than enough.
Our job isn’t to know more, it’s to deliver what we do know from our core.
Being playful is better than having good ideas
Why being in a good mood is better than being a genius. (Heck- maybe play IS genius..!)
So every day I make a little movie and post it online- it’s been a commitment to myself this past year and has taken me the full scenic route of the artist’s journey:
This is great!
Okay this is really hard.
Wow I hate this.
Hang on…
No, yes I hate this.
Actually I really liked that one
Okay no one else liked that one…
It’s been a rollercoaster and one thing I’ve recently learned is it’s more valuable for me to be playful than to have a good idea.
Some days I’ll get hung up on the ‘perfect’ premise and when I finally get to filming it I’ve got nothing in the tank and it falls flat.
Other days I’m simply in a playful mood and a so-so idea comes off really well. The state I’m in makes the execution more convincing or maybe the play and fun I’m having comes through in the final thing.
I also like that I am in control of how playful I am- I’m not really in control of how good my ideas are. So I can focus on my mood and do the best I can with what ideas I have that day… and if I happen to have a great idea then I can meet that with the energy it deserves too.
Bit of a win-win if you ask me.
Be in a playful mood- a lot solves itself after that.