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Lifestyle Design

Don’t compartmentalise

I just interviewed high performance acting coach Jon Hunter on my podcast. We were talking about the idea of living the lifestyle of an actor, as opposed to treating it like a career.

What he meant was, instead of compartmentalising the soft skills necessary to be an actor, things like empathy, creativity, listening, playfulness, and so on, instead of saving those for when we have a job to do, we just practice them in our everyday life.

I really love this idea. One, it’s a time saver, but also, the things we need to learn in order to be an actor make us better humans.

I think for many endeavors, creative or otherwise, that we pursue in our lives, there are things that, if we allow them to just exist in our everyday life, they can start to improve our experience of it.

So, what are the things you’re currently compartmentalising that you could actually just live in your daily life?

How you do anything is how you do everything

If you just throw your clothes on the floor or leave your dishes in the sink that extra night, what is that communicating to yourself?

It’s saying “this doesn’t really matter.”

And in some ways maybe it doesn’t matter. A little mess here, forgetting about something there…

But what happens when we want to do an outstanding job at something?

We can’t just ‘turn on’ our best work. If you are mostly throwing things aside and forgetting about the details, do you really think you’re suddenly going to be impeccable?

If you want to be outstanding, you have to be outstanding.

How do you do your dishes to your best standard? What is it like to take world class care of your things?

If you want to be outstanding, you have to be outstanding.

The game master

We all have rules.

Rules that state what has to happen for us to feel a certain way or experience a valued state.

What has to happen for you to feel like a valued team member? Questions like this will help you uncover your rules, by the way.

You might discover they empower you or you might discover they’re quite difficult to meet.

In order to feel like a success, for instance, you might have a rule that says people need to tell you you’re great all the time. This rule is good when it’s met, but you could end up feeling pretty bad when you don’t receive that external validation.

It’s worthwhile exploring our rules, I’ve found most of my discomfort or upsets in life stem from rules that are not setting me up to win.

Here’s the question again to help you find yours:

What has to happen(rule) in order for you to feel X (value/ desired end state)?

You’re the game master and you get to make the rules.

See it to see it

Visions work the same as film scripts.

To see it… you have to SEE it.

In order to realise the production of a feature film, the screenwriter has to build the script page by page. Each word adding to the tapestry. The script is a written vision.

“Here, this is what it will look like.”

Years before the projector shines the the magical lights of a movie on the silver screen, the movie existed only in someones head.

And it was just as vivid as you’re seeing at the cinema.

Before anything exists it first has to be a crystal clear vision.

To see it in real life, you have to see it in your head first.

Don’t skimp on the script. See it first, so we can too.

Specific vs Broad

There’s a time for details and there’s a time for broad strokes.

I find this balance really difficult, but when people get it right things really take off.

So when is the time for each one? Well, there’s no hard and fast rule sadly, that’s my difficulty. But there are some guidelines to help…

A mass of work.

If you have a monumental amount to get through, that is definitely a time for broad strokes. Writers say you shouldn’t edit as you go. Potato farmers say you shouldn’t count the potatoes as you’re throwing them in the truck (do they say this..? Potato farmers, let me know). When we have a lot to do, we should err on the side of broad strokes. There’s simply too much to be fussy.

Preparing.

This requires detail I think. Sometimes we’re encouraged to launch in fearlessly to a project and this might make us think broad strokes, but I think that’s wrong headed. We can launch ourselves in fearlessly and still do so with detail at the forefront. Fearless launching doesn’t have to be synonymous with ham fisted action. We can be bold in our attention to detail.

The best approach of course is to be awake to our tendency to be broad when we must be specific and be specific when we must be broad.

I think finding this balance unlocks some exciting stuff.

When the going gets good

I noticed recently I only wrote in my journal when things were difficult or not going the way I wanted. I supposed it’s why we have the phrase ‘nothing to write home about’.

The problem with this is it’s training my brain to not notice when things are going good. The journal becomes the ambulance at the bottom of the hill, something we reach for as a tool for fixing things.

That’s okay- that’s part of why we journal.

But here’s a note to myself to remember to journal when things are good. Often when things are running smoothly we simply don’t notice. Then when we look back we don’t perceive those long stretches of smooth sailing.

If your perception of your life is just what you remember at the end of it all and you only stop to take note of the hard times, what do you think your perception of your life will be?

We must notice when it’s hard and we must MUST notice when it’s good. Our poor little brains put so much effort into creating an ideal environment for us, we have to do them a favour and spend time focusing on that stuff!

What is really working for you right now that you are not paying attention to?

Be the boss of your notifications

Here’s the easiest way I know to be more productive:

Don’t let any apps send you notifications.

Smart phones are awesome but they’re also annoying. If anything happens on any messaging, email or social media app, it tells you.

There’s a noise and then that enticing red-apple-looking-notification sign with a number of how many juicy messages you get.

I’ve removed them all. My phone doesn’t tell me if I get an email or message.

The apps are still on my phone, they just don’t talk to me.

They can wait, thank you very much.

A number in a little red bubble doesn’t have the right to divert my attention.

I let them all accrue- messages, dms, notifications, emails.

And then I go and visit them when I’m ready.

I’ll look at you and deal with you when I’m good and ready. And some days I’m simply not ready. I can check tomorrow or next week or never.

Of course it does take some training to fight the urge to check. But once you get over that, you’re a bit free aren’t you?

And that’s pretty nice.

Less time reacting to red number bubbles and more doing things that matter to you.

Pick good beliefs

The best thing about beliefs is you get to choose them

The second best thing is they don’t have to be true.

They just have to serve you.

The adage goes that whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.

I think most people believe they can’t change their beliefs- funny that.

If we can divorce ourselves from ‘reality’ and choose instead to believe only that which serves us and others, we can probably do anything.

After all, it was ‘impossible’ for humans to run the four minute mile until Roger Bannister did it.

Once we saw him do it suddenly everyone could do it.

Did the evolution of the human body speed up that year or did we all change our beliefs?

Your beliefs are up to you- pick some good ones, yeah?

Win win

The best things in life aren’t free- the best things are win- win.

And here’s the best part- you get to control that.

We have to seek them win wins though- we have to look for them. I found one today I can’t wait to share with you:

The apple CarPlay in my car drops out sometimes. I’m not sure why- but it’s SUPER annoying. The last few times it happened, my face almost melted off I was that annoyed.

So this morning I had a plan. I popped my AirPods within easy reach and set off in my car. My Lenny Kravitz song was only in the first verse when CUT! my CarPlay stopped working.

Without missing a beat I put my AirPod’s in and continued listening to the man, the myth, the Lenny.

Win. Win.

If my CarPlay works- GREAT! I get to groove and the whole world can hear. If it drops out GREAT! I get to have a private ear drum party with my favourite songs.

This is how we must approach life. Set yourself up to win no matter the outcome. We can do this by manipulating our physical world (like the CarPlay situation). Or we can do it by reframing the outcomes to mean more empowering things for ourselves; “if this happens it’s good because X, and if that happens it’s good because Y.”

The best things in life are win win.

Email batching- thanks Tim!

Some say 6, 7; I say 12 and 4!

This idea is from Tim Ferriss. I read this over 10 years ago and I keep coming back to it over and over again.

Tim’s advice is simple- we get more time by eliminating things. Now that doesn’t necessarily mean we miss out on things, it just means we are smarter about what we get rid of and when. So it becomes possible to have your cake and eat it.

Like most, I sometimes feel like I’m a professional email responder. My email inbox is a GREAT place to go if I want to feel ‘productive’.

The problem with that is we are being reactive to the needs and the to do lists of other people. I open my inbox and suddenly an hour and a half would disappear.

My day becomes a continuous stream of processing the request that leak in from people whenever they feel like sending me an email. Over time, this removes my energy and ability to do what’s important and non-urgent to me.

Tim suggests instead we batch our emails, let them accumulate and check them only twice a day.

So I check my email at 12pm and 4pm. That’s it.

The amazing thing is, when I go to my inbox with the singular focus of processing what’s there- it takes all of 15 minutes. Its because I’m a lot clearer on my own priorities and can cut through them quickly. I’m also not kidding myself thinking I will split focus between what I’m doing and the emails as they come in- I am focussed solely on the inbox during these chunks.

The unexpected thing was I found it hard to wait! I had become so used to the magical task-giving inbox that I almost needed it.

“Oh! I wonder what emails I have!”

It became a discipline of it’s own not to check it outside of my allocated times.

I had become addicted to having an instant task someone gives me with a finite end!

When I feel productivity waining, I can pretty much guarantee it’s because this habit has slipped.

When I want to reconnect again to powerful focus on what actually moves the needle on the work that really matters to me, I go back to 12 and 4.

When in doubt, 12pm and 4pm.

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