Film makers use frames to tell a story.
Painters use them to contain their window into another world.
Architects use them to direct our gaze
And we get to use them to dictate how we feel and what we do.
What frame do you want to put on this experience? What story do you want to tell yourself?
Change your frame, change your life.
My acting mentor has a great phrase he often uses when directing.
He’ll say: “Show me your best worst version of…”
And then he’ll add whatever he wants me to try out.
Your ‘best worst’ means to do the best you can at the worst version of the thing.
It lowers the bar, it asks you to be bad and gives you permission.
In acting, like many endeavors, you have to start somewhere… and that somewhere is probably not going to be Oscar winning.
So don’t try and be awesome. Just give me the best version of the worst version you possibly can.
It might, be good. But it better not be, I asked for best worst!
People talk about the importance of the journey as opposed to the destination.
As actors we’re encouraged not to play a result but to play action instead. What comes as a result of that is not our business.
It’s a hard one to grapple. But I think there is a lot of peace we can all gain by attaching ourselves to and falling in love with the action and not the result.
Fall in love with providing outstanding educational opportunities for your students.
Fall in love with creating amazing value for your clients.
Fall in love with being the most alive and attentive parent.
The action is the thing we can control. The result is not… so it’s not worth the heartache.
Fall in love with the action. Then you may get some pleasant surprises along the way.
Isn’t it interesting how we can forget the fundamentals so easily?
A walk in the middle of the day will probably improve your mood. So will some exercise.
Completing a massive task in many small chunks (not all at once) is a lot less taxing.
Getting enough sleep will make the joys of life crisper.
Yeah, those fundamentals. Move, eat well and sleep enough- and keep reminding yourself to do it!
We all have rules whether we know them or not.
We have rules for what has to happen for us to feel successful, to have fun or to feel appreciated.
A good way of finding your rules is to ask yourself: “What has to happen in order for me to feel ____”
And put any desired state in there…
To feel appreciated, for instance you might have to be told you’re awesome, or you might need people to see the work you’ve done and know how long it took you. Or you might be one of the lucky ones who just need to look at themselves in the mirror and smile to feel appreciated.
I say ‘lucky ones’… but the truth is, we’re in charge of our rules.
There’s nothing that says you can’t feel successful every time you take 5 minutes to be grateful.
There’s no rule that says you can’t feel deeply valued every time you show someone else they are deeply valued.
We’re the bosses, y’all. We get to choose the rules.
And while we’re at it, we might as well set ourselves and others up to win.
I’ve just started a business accelerator program for Online Kapa Haka. I’ll be coached and taken through training across this year and one of the first things they talked about is to not worry about being perfect- but just to be directionally correct.
One of our tasks in the program is to create various content assets for the business. So with that we don’t have to make each one perfect, we just need to ensure we’re in the right direction.
So as long as I’m talking about education and culture and not dinosaurs I’m doing okay.
Though I bet I could make dinosaurs connect somehow…
Don’t be perfect! Let’s just move in the right direction!
Measuring things is useful. But not all metrics are useful at all times.
Like anything, it depends on your outcome.
How many likes you get on a video might not be a useful metric when you’re using the video to explore an artistic idea for yourself.
But if you made the thing for the likes, you ought to measure them.
Weighing yourself mightn’t be helpful… but rating yourself on a scale of 1 – 10 on how comfortable and strong your body feels might be.
To know what to measure we must know what we’re after. And to measure the right thing, we have to be strong enough to only care about the thing we are actually measuring.
Some metrics are louder than others. Real growth comes when you can listen to only what matters for your journey.
We all have rules.
Rules that state what has to happen for us to feel a certain way or experience a valued state.
What has to happen for you to feel like a valued team member? Questions like this will help you uncover your rules, by the way.
You might discover they empower you or you might discover they’re quite difficult to meet.
In order to feel like a success, for instance, you might have a rule that says people need to tell you you’re great all the time. This rule is good when it’s met, but you could end up feeling pretty bad when you don’t receive that external validation.
It’s worthwhile exploring our rules, I’ve found most of my discomfort or upsets in life stem from rules that are not setting me up to win.
Here’s the question again to help you find yours:
What has to happen(rule) in order for you to feel X (value/ desired end state)?
You’re the game master and you get to make the rules.
Do people in your family groan at your dietary preferences?
Are you the pesky vegetarian or- god forbid- you’re zero sugar?
I’ve noticed people can be quite reactive to things like “I’m not eating meat” or “I’m actually zero sugar”
I’m not exactly sure why, but it wasn’t until someone said the trusty old “oh it’s always something with you” that I decided to adjust my communication.
Always vs. right now.
Things like “I’m only eating x” or “I don’t eat y” seem to invite those unsolicited comments from uncle Joe. I suppose because it’s a line in the sand. So instead, I’ve been framing my wider lifestyle choices as something I’m choosing in the moment. For some reason people don’t mind as much if you’re not eating sugar just ‘this time’.
I also like this frame because it allows me to choose each time. Who knows maybe I do want a piece of steak today! Thanks for asking.
We don’t need to make identity statements at the dinner table.
But we can choose who we are through how we respond.
Goals are great… when you remember them. Something I’ve noticed is I’m great at setting goals and feeling that initial enthusiasm. As I’m sure we all are. But it can be tricky to find effective mechanisms of follow through on the day to day. An inefficient way to get to any destination is to only check in a few times across the journey.
I like the image of a pilot needing to constantly course correct across the span of a flight. Did you know they are off course between 90% and 99% of the time? Pilots have to constantly course correct to get to their destination.
The same goes for our goals and I’m using a super simple daily question to help me do that. In my journal every morning I ask myself:
How can I course correct today?
It allows me to look at yesterday, what I did, didn’t do and how I spent my time. If I lived a day like that again would I get to where I want to go? If not, what could I do slightly differently today?
It’s nice to know we can be off 99% of the time and still get there.
It just requires a little course correction ✈️
