Film makers use frames to tell a story.
Painters use them to contain their window into another world.
Architects use them to direct our gaze
And we get to use them to dictate how we feel and what we do.
What frame do you want to put on this experience? What story do you want to tell yourself?
Change your frame, change your life.
I’ve just started a business accelerator program for Online Kapa Haka. I’ll be coached and taken through training across this year and one of the first things they talked about is to not worry about being perfect- but just to be directionally correct.
One of our tasks in the program is to create various content assets for the business. So with that we don’t have to make each one perfect, we just need to ensure we’re in the right direction.
So as long as I’m talking about education and culture and not dinosaurs I’m doing okay.
Though I bet I could make dinosaurs connect somehow…
Don’t be perfect! Let’s just move in the right direction!
Measuring things is useful. But not all metrics are useful at all times.
Like anything, it depends on your outcome.
How many likes you get on a video might not be a useful metric when you’re using the video to explore an artistic idea for yourself.
But if you made the thing for the likes, you ought to measure them.
Weighing yourself mightn’t be helpful… but rating yourself on a scale of 1 – 10 on how comfortable and strong your body feels might be.
To know what to measure we must know what we’re after. And to measure the right thing, we have to be strong enough to only care about the thing we are actually measuring.
Some metrics are louder than others. Real growth comes when you can listen to only what matters for your journey.
We all have rules.
Rules that state what has to happen for us to feel a certain way or experience a valued state.
What has to happen for you to feel like a valued team member? Questions like this will help you uncover your rules, by the way.
You might discover they empower you or you might discover they’re quite difficult to meet.
In order to feel like a success, for instance, you might have a rule that says people need to tell you you’re great all the time. This rule is good when it’s met, but you could end up feeling pretty bad when you don’t receive that external validation.
It’s worthwhile exploring our rules, I’ve found most of my discomfort or upsets in life stem from rules that are not setting me up to win.
Here’s the question again to help you find yours:
What has to happen(rule) in order for you to feel X (value/ desired end state)?
You’re the game master and you get to make the rules.
I’m beginning to wonder whether progressing in life is a series of doing things before you’re ready.
The nature of growth is that it is something just beyond where you are now. So in the moment before growth, by definition you aren’t there yet; you’re not ready.
I did not feel ready to teach for the first time
I did not feel ready to launch my own business
I did not feel ready to hit send on my first offer
These events only have two things in common: I was never ready and they completely changed my life/
Hmm- interesting.
Could it be that the life we want is just outside of our comfort zone?
I think it might be.
Blanket statements- like other types of blankets- can give us security and a sense of safety.
“I don’t listen to advice from HER.”
“I never do things like THAT.”
While they can give us certainty (highly prized for us humans) they can also cut us off from other possibilities.
SHE might have some great advice.
You might grow a little doing something like THAT.
Blankets have a funny way of covering everything. A blanket doesn’t always let you see the nuance.
But if you’re brave enough to emerge from the warmth of your blanket, you’ll see the nuance. And in that nuance lies the possibility for more.
Goals are great… when you remember them. Something I’ve noticed is I’m great at setting goals and feeling that initial enthusiasm. As I’m sure we all are. But it can be tricky to find effective mechanisms of follow through on the day to day. An inefficient way to get to any destination is to only check in a few times across the journey.
I like the image of a pilot needing to constantly course correct across the span of a flight. Did you know they are off course between 90% and 99% of the time? Pilots have to constantly course correct to get to their destination.
The same goes for our goals and I’m using a super simple daily question to help me do that. In my journal every morning I ask myself:
How can I course correct today?
It allows me to look at yesterday, what I did, didn’t do and how I spent my time. If I lived a day like that again would I get to where I want to go? If not, what could I do slightly differently today?
It’s nice to know we can be off 99% of the time and still get there.
It just requires a little course correction ✈️
Well, it’s up to you isn’t it? The meta marker of success is the ability to reach desired outcomes.
So if you set an outcome to write a short story over the Christmas holidays and you write a short story over the Christmas holidays- you’re a success
1)Two mistakes I’ve made in the past are:
I don’t choose an outcome.
If you don’t know where you’re going you’ll never get there. Sometimes I’ve felt success was alluding me and realised I didn’t even know what I was trying to do or get to. This is an easy fix- figure what you want!
2) I use other people’s metrics of success to judge my own progress even when I don’t value what they value.
Picture this: your friend runs a marathon and you suddenly feel like a failure because you haven’t run a marathon. Sure, they are successful because they set an outcome and achieved it. But you did not set out to do that, so the fact that you didn’t do that is fine!
Set your own outcomes and don’t get sucked into other peoples metrics. Stay in your game
Why playing games is good for families.
-There’s a shared low stakes goal.
-Everyone is focussing on the same thing.
-Different combinations of people have to deal with the difficulty of losing (and winning)
There’s a reason actors use games in a rehearsal process. They’re building connection, emotion and love.
Might be time to get a pack of cards out.
Great workout advice for the gym? Smile on the last rep.
The last rep is the hardest and it’s often where we want to fail.
If we smile on the last rep it’s a small signal to the brain:
“Hey, you know this difficulty you’re feeling? It’s growth. And it’s so good it’s worth smiling”
