We have more capacity than we think. I’ve found it’s possible to be upset about something but still have a great time.
We can feel overwhelmed and still find peace. We can be sad and happy at the same time.
Two things can exist at the same time- maybe even three.
The trick, I think, is to allow for this fact. To not trap ourselves in the lie of scarcity.
Do people in your family groan at your dietary preferences?
Are you the pesky vegetarian or- god forbid- you’re zero sugar?
I’ve noticed people can be quite reactive to things like “I’m not eating meat” or “I’m actually zero sugar”
I’m not exactly sure why, but it wasn’t until someone said the trusty old “oh it’s always something with you” that I decided to adjust my communication.
Always vs. right now.
Things like “I’m only eating x” or “I don’t eat y” seem to invite those unsolicited comments from uncle Joe. I suppose because it’s a line in the sand. So instead, I’ve been framing my wider lifestyle choices as something I’m choosing in the moment. For some reason people don’t mind as much if you’re not eating sugar just ‘this time’.
I also like this frame because it allows me to choose each time. Who knows maybe I do want a piece of steak today! Thanks for asking.
We don’t need to make identity statements at the dinner table.
But we can choose who we are through how we respond.
In a bad mood? You have a choice.
Feeling overwhelmed? You have a choice.
Feeling bored? You have a choice.
I like to remind myself that I always have a choice. Things may indeed be really difficult. When I have a few too many things to do I can buy into the hype of overwhelm and “stress as a status symbol”… but that’s all it is; hype.
And hype is rarely worth buying into.
You can have a lot of things to do AND still be fun to be around.
You always have a choice
It appears in phrases like “You always do that” or “It’s always like this”.
If they really did always do the thing you’re talking about, they wouldn’t have time to eat or sleep. So no, they’re not ‘always’ doing that.
It can seem harmless, right? Yes, we all know we don’t mean they literally always do it- it’s just a figure of speech.
The problem with that is figures of speech tend to pop up in other places and they affect how we think about things and so what we do.
A powerful habit is to be able to destroy generalisations and vagueness. When we aren’t clear on the details of something, we have little hope of effectively dealing with it.
If you have a ‘mountain’ of paperwork you’re in a less powerful position than having 78 documents to read and sign.
Give yourself the best shot and remove the generalisations from your speech.
Most things are comfortable in theory.
We can follow through, we can be vulnerable, we can take rejection, we can weather failure easily….
… in theory.
It’s why they say talk is cheap.
It’s really easy to talk about the hard stuff in the abstract. “Someday if things are hard…” or “if this ever did happen…”
When it comes to the moment, how can you be sure we can still make good on your talk?
This week has felt unproductive. I’ve felt scattered across 4 different areas, task switching (I know) and seemingly making no progress on any.
The tasks were all meaty enough to require multiple sittings so I didn’t have the satisfaction on any to get a clean completion.
Yet…
I look up from my whirlwind week and I see a little garden of jobs that are nearly done I’m not condoning task switching or multitasking… BUT I think we’d do well to remember the long (ish) game when coming to these multi-sit tasks.
They won’t feel satisfying.
They won’t be done in one sitting.
You’ll get confused.
You’ll be tired.
And you’ll probably have to go on a few side quests within the tasks.
But keep plugging away, because soon enough you will look up and you’ll see…
“Okay, good. I did move the needle”
The actor in rehearsal is simultaneously like a kid on a playground and a bomb squad member cutting the red wire… or was it the green one?
Nowhere else have I experienced the utter joy of play and the deepest danger of humiliation.
Actors are uniquely bred to weather both of these.
Play too much and it dies for the audience (you can’t have all the fun, you have to let them it!)
Don’t risk anything and we might as well give the show a miss.
Great actors toe the line.
Andrew Scott said the job of rehearsal is for the actor to try everything they can possibly think of. He often feels humiliated, small, silly or dumb in rehearsal. And the fact that he is willing to do that, over and over again means he gets to deliver ‘Andrew Scott’ performances.
What can we learn from the actors rehearsal room orientation in other aspects o work?
I noticed recently I only wrote in my journal when things were difficult or not going the way I wanted. I supposed it’s why we have the phrase ‘nothing to write home about’.
The problem with this is it’s training my brain to not notice when things are going good. The journal becomes the ambulance at the bottom of the hill, something we reach for as a tool for fixing things.
That’s okay- that’s part of why we journal.
But here’s a note to myself to remember to journal when things are good. Often when things are running smoothly we simply don’t notice. Then when we look back we don’t perceive those long stretches of smooth sailing.
If your perception of your life is just what you remember at the end of it all and you only stop to take note of the hard times, what do you think your perception of your life will be?
We must notice when it’s hard and we must MUST notice when it’s good. Our poor little brains put so much effort into creating an ideal environment for us, we have to do them a favour and spend time focusing on that stuff!
What is really working for you right now that you are not paying attention to?
Andrew Scott is one of my favourite actors- and someone (dared) ask him how he remembers all those lines.
Even though this is every actor’s least favourite question- Andrew managed an answer that has stuck with me.
He said that generally actors have no problem remembering swear words. If their character really get’s to give it to another character in an outburst or argument, the indulgent part of every actor has ZERO trouble remembering that sequence.
The same goes for any text that an actor finds silly, gross, weird or unusual in some way.
What’s really happening is the text is causing an emotional movement in us. We are creating an emotional map; physiological reactions that embed the specifics of the text in our brain. It seems to live there ‘rent free’ as the kids say.
The game then, Andrew says, is to make every word your character says as interesting as the swear word. Our job is to connect to each and every word so they fall out of us as effortlessly as that weird part you could recite in your sleep.
We can’t force ourselves to remember things- it has to resonate emotionally for us. Brute force won’t do it, we must soften and connect.
Soften and connect- now that’s a pretty good way to be in general, don’t you think?
We’d all do well to remind ourselves what it really means to grow.
Growth sounds great! It’s what we all want and on paper it’s a no brainer.
When it comes down to it though, growth is sweaty, unsure and uncomfortable.
We only grow when we are at our edge. When we try something and it truly “might not work” to quote Seth Godin.
To grow we have to risk something. We have to try something new. And we have to be okay to be in the unknown.
It’s good to remember that sweaty fearful feeling on the edge is the knocking hand of growth.
If we remember this is what it means, we’re much more likely to linger in the uncomfortable and seek it often.
The edge is where the magic happens. And the best part? Each time you meet the edge, a bit more earth grows and extends out the reach of your edge.
After a while you’ll look back at the ground you’ve covered and you’ll hardly be able to see where your edge used to be; there’s just solid earth in it’s place.
Sweat. Grow. Extend. Repeat.
