Connecting with others

Where does confidence come from?

February 4, 2026

Well it might be the wrong question. There’s only efficiently achieving an outcome or not.

A better question might be what should I focus on and how can I use my resources to achieve it?

When I feel nervous in front of an audience, my focus is inevitably on trying to be liked by them. That is a focus that is pretty guaranteed to dull someone’s confidence.

A more effective focus? To help these people understand what I’m talking about. Or to listen intently to the people in the room.

Confidence is a by product of placing your focus elsewhere.

Just today

January 14, 2026

Do people in your family groan at your dietary preferences?

Are you the pesky vegetarian or- god forbid- you’re zero sugar?

I’ve noticed people can be quite reactive to things like “I’m not eating meat” or “I’m actually zero sugar”

I’m not exactly sure why, but it wasn’t until someone said the trusty old “oh it’s always something with you” that I decided to adjust my communication.

Always vs. right now.

Things like “I’m only eating x” or “I don’t eat y” seem to invite those unsolicited comments from uncle Joe. I suppose because it’s a line in the sand. So instead, I’ve been framing my wider lifestyle choices as something I’m choosing in the moment. For some reason people don’t mind as much if you’re not eating sugar just ‘this time’.

I also like this frame because it allows me to choose each time. Who knows maybe I do want a piece of steak today! Thanks for asking.

We don’t need to make identity statements at the dinner table.

But we can choose who we are through how we respond.

Games

January 10, 2026

Why playing games is good for families.

-There’s a shared low stakes goal.

-Everyone is focussing on the same thing.

-Different combinations of people have to deal with the difficulty of losing (and winning)

There’s a reason actors use games in a rehearsal process. They’re building connection, emotion and love.

Might be time to get a pack of cards out.

You’re on a spaceship

January 7, 2026

Imagine if you were on a spaceship with a group of strangers.

Imagine as well that it was common knowledge that in approximately 60 years the spaceship would crash into an asteroid.

And there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

How do you spend those years? Do the people stay strangers?

If you knew you’d be gone after the asteroid, how would that affect your day to day?

Earth is a bit like a giant spaceship isn’t it?

And our inevitable end is an awful lot like an asteroid.

With stakes like this, it’s not just about using our time wisely, it’s about using it lovingly.

Wouldn’t you agree?

The right form

December 27, 2025

To kick a rugby ball you need the right form.

You approach the ball at the correct angle. You run up on the correct leg. Your breathing is a certain way. Your foot meets the ball at a precise point and follows through as the ball glides up.

Kicking the ball, holding the golf club or making the high jump requires your body to be in the right form.

This isn’t magic; it’s form.

And form isn’t limited to sports.

Take a second to imagine these…

What is the ‘form’ of an excellent writer?

A fast reader?

Or a highly engaging speaker?

What does an effective teacher look like?

What is the form of an efficient artist?

What does an entertaining host look like?

You may be able to conjure these pictures in your head. (If you can’t, now’s a great time to find some models.)

If we can imagine their form, we can adopt it.

If we can adopt it, we can get similar results.

Do and be

December 23, 2025

Here’s a frame to set abstract outcomes succesfully.

An abstract outcome is what I call something that doesn’t necessarily have a finite beginning or ending. Want to enjoy a day with the family? Have a restful day? Feel like a cool uncle?

These are all abstract and so they require a frame that pulls them from the abstract into something you can action while not necessarily being able to measure or quantify them

What do you want to do?

Stealing from the actors’ methodology of objective and action, have a think about what it is you want to do.

-I want to make my mum feel special.

-I want to make my niece feel heard.

-I want my friend to feel inspired.

These could qualify as objectives for an actor to play in a scene. And if they’re good enough for an actor they are good enough for you! They say a good objective for an actor should have it’s test in the other person. Said another way, is your objective set up in such a way that allows you to, at any moment, use your senses to ascertain how successful you are in your pursuit? This is what keeps actors active and it can do the same for you too.

Who do you want to be?

This one is less useful for actors, but super useful to you. The strongest force in human psychology is to remain consistent with our identity. So choose the identity you will live into. I will be a loving son. I will be a strong partner. I will be a playful prince. What ever is is for you! When we are intentional about who we are being when we show up, we are far more likely to act in congruence with it when we pursue our outcome.

So using the frame we put the two together.

“I will make my mum feel heard and be a loving son.”

“I will light my students up and be a master of ceremonies”

-What you want to do?

-Who you want to be?

When the outcome isn’t clear cut, see if this fit instead.

The actor in rehearsal

December 15, 2025

The actor in rehearsal is simultaneously like a kid on a playground and a bomb squad member cutting the red wire… or was it the green one?

Nowhere else have I experienced the utter joy of play and the deepest danger of humiliation.

Actors are uniquely bred to weather both of these.

Play too much and it dies for the audience (you can’t have all the fun, you have to let them it!)

Don’t risk anything and we might as well give the show a miss.

Great actors toe the line.

Andrew Scott said the job of rehearsal is for the actor to try everything they can possibly think of. He often feels humiliated, small, silly or dumb in rehearsal. And the fact that he is willing to do that, over and over again means he gets to deliver ‘Andrew Scott’ performances.

What can we learn from the actors rehearsal room orientation in other aspects o work?

Great acting is unselfconscious.

December 11, 2025

It’s one of the first things I learned from my teachers at drama school. It’s being able to be watched and, like many of the most sought after skills, the path to getting there is indirect.

We cannot push to be unselfconscious and we can’t even pull to do it. When you try to be comfortable being watched, that very tension manifests in the opposite which is self consciousness.

So how do we do it? Well I don’t have all the answers, but there seem to be patterns that help actors get there.

Listen. Miranda Harcourt taught me about ‘reversing the flow’. She said it’s like the selfie function on the phone is switched off and you’re staring directly at the world and people around you. Listen with all of you; your physical senses and your psychic senses. Someone who is listening, truly listening, has a great chance of being unselfconscious. It’s pretty awesome to watching someone who is listening and for them not to be monitoring or adjusting themselves.
Place your focus. All acting is is doin things- it’s in the name. So great actors have the ability to place their attention on an activity and wholeheartedly do it. They don’t feign doing it or display that they’re doing it; they really do it- in the imaginative reality of the piece. Believe it or not those are two different things; You can feign an action in imagined reality (bad acting) or you can really do it in imagined reality (good acting).

We can’t create unselfconsciousness, but we can place our focus outwards and invite it in.

“You are interesting to the extent that you’re interested”

December 10, 2025

This is one of my favourite acting ideas. I heard it first in an early interview with Jeff Goldblum and he had learned it from his teacher Sanford Meisner.

It’s the idea that as actors one of our key jobs is to put our focus outwardly, on the world, the task and, most beautifully, on our scene partner.

They say there’s nothing more captivating than watching someone tying their shoes. They are unselfconscious and completely wrapped up in their simple objective- tying their shoe.

This is the gold standard we are going for as actors. We want to honestly have our focus, energy and intention on doing something.

I say ‘honestly’ because we must fight the natural human urge to be liked and thought of as good. And there’s the extra thing for actors of auditioning, where we have to somehow forget we are seeking to be cast.

Part of acting is learning to ‘honestly’ place our focus.

That’s it.

It’s riveting when someone does that. Don’t worry about being interesting, get interested.

Whakaiti

November 24, 2025

In te reo the word for small is iti.

It’s such a cute word. There’s also a word for making something small:

‘Whakaiti’

‘Whaka’ means to ‘do’ or ‘make’.

‘Iti’ means ‘small’.

To ‘whakaiti’ a person is to make them small. I love the simplicity of that translation. I don’t, however, love what it represents.

Making people small is, unfortunately, really common these days. Couples make jokes at the expense of their significant other, we laugh at peoples attempts or push them down when they try something new.

What we should aim to do is make people big: to whakanui them. That is, to shine a light on them. Uphold their mana. Listen when they want to be seen anew. Celebrate them and support them.

Remember, it’s not always obvious if what you’re doing is a whakaiti or a whakanui. And it might seem like a little joke here and there doesn’t matter…

But one cut still draws blood.

Here’s a simple question if you’re unsure: is what I’m saying or doing honouring the fullness of this human being, or shrinking them down for a quick laugh or aside?

It’s easy to whakaiti someone. But it takes real guts to make others big, celerbrate them and honour them no matter what.

JUSTIN ROGERS

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