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Questions

So. Can. You.

If they can you can.

We’d do well to remember that if someone else has gotten a result, that means we can do that too.

There may well be exceptions to this rule, but why focus on the exceptions?

If there’s a belief that serves you, you might as well believe it.

“Yeah but that person is really tall”

Or

“Yeah but they’ve got years on me.”

Or

“Yeah but I live in the wrong place”

Sure, if you look you’ll find the exceptions to any rule. And the exceptions are also handy to let us off the hook.

It’s much risker to choose to believe that if they can you can.

Don’t let yourself off the hook. What do you want? Has someone else done it?

Great.

So. Can. You.

The worst and the favourite

Here’s a game, make your least favourite thing the favourite thing.

What is something you’ve been avoiding? What is a task or activity that either completely bores you or you may even dread?

Would you be interested in changing that? Okay, here are some questions for you…

-What would you have to do to that experience to make it your favourtie thing?

-How would you have to picture it?

-What would you change about the way you approach it?

-What would you have to believe about what it’s giving you?

-In what ways could it be fun?

-What about it actually benefits you?

-How could you make the worst part of it actually the most interesting or fun part?

Most people don’t want to do what it takes to get where they want to go. Life get’s pretty interesting if we can make the undesirable and necessary things unbelievably easy and fun for ourselves.

I’d say that’s an advantage worth working for, wouldn’t you?

When the going gets good

I noticed recently I only wrote in my journal when things were difficult or not going the way I wanted. I supposed it’s why we have the phrase ‘nothing to write home about’.

The problem with this is it’s training my brain to not notice when things are going good. The journal becomes the ambulance at the bottom of the hill, something we reach for as a tool for fixing things.

That’s okay- that’s part of why we journal.

But here’s a note to myself to remember to journal when things are good. Often when things are running smoothly we simply don’t notice. Then when we look back we don’t perceive those long stretches of smooth sailing.

If your perception of your life is just what you remember at the end of it all and you only stop to take note of the hard times, what do you think your perception of your life will be?

We must notice when it’s hard and we must MUST notice when it’s good. Our poor little brains put so much effort into creating an ideal environment for us, we have to do them a favour and spend time focusing on that stuff!

What is really working for you right now that you are not paying attention to?

Pick good beliefs

The best thing about beliefs is you get to choose them

The second best thing is they don’t have to be true.

They just have to serve you.

The adage goes that whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.

I think most people believe they can’t change their beliefs- funny that.

If we can divorce ourselves from ‘reality’ and choose instead to believe only that which serves us and others, we can probably do anything.

After all, it was ‘impossible’ for humans to run the four minute mile until Roger Bannister did it.

Once we saw him do it suddenly everyone could do it.

Did the evolution of the human body speed up that year or did we all change our beliefs?

Your beliefs are up to you- pick some good ones, yeah?

Whakaiti

In te reo the word for small is iti.

It’s such a cute word. There’s also a word for making something small:

‘Whakaiti’

‘Whaka’ means to ‘do’ or ‘make’.

‘Iti’ means ‘small’.

To ‘whakaiti’ a person is to make them small. I love the simplicity of that translation. I don’t, however, love what it represents.

Making people small is, unfortunately, really common these days. Couples make jokes at the expense of their significant other, we laugh at peoples attempts or push them down when they try something new.

What we should aim to do is make people big: to whakanui them. That is, to shine a light on them. Uphold their mana. Listen when they want to be seen anew. Celebrate them and support them.

Remember, it’s not always obvious if what you’re doing is a whakaiti or a whakanui. And it might seem like a little joke here and there doesn’t matter…

But one cut still draws blood.

Here’s a simple question if you’re unsure: is what I’m saying or doing honouring the fullness of this human being, or shrinking them down for a quick laugh or aside?

It’s easy to whakaiti someone. But it takes real guts to make others big, celerbrate them and honour them no matter what.

Words change how we feel

“You’re a liar” vs. “you’re wrong” vs. “you’re mistaken”.

All of these could mean the same thing- but they have different levels of emotional intensity.

So when we speak to others we have a choice- and a responsibility- to be intentional about what we say.

We also have a responsibility to choose the words we say to ourselves.

Is this the end or the beginning?

Did you ruin it all or did you find another way not to get there?

Did you make the wrong choice or does everything happen perfectly?

It’s not about toxic positivity, it’s about intelligent naming.

Let’s choose words that help us and others.

Rhyming with people

We can be speaking a different language as someone but both be speaking English.

Our favourite people are those that are either like us or are the way we aspire be to be.

The saying goes: “People tend to like people like themselves”

I like to think of people who get dogs that look like them as well- I find it’s hilarious when that happens and often wonder if it’s because the dog reminds them of themselves…

ANYWAY-

Here’s simple implication of this idea I use all the time.

“Language Reflection”

What are the key words you hear someone use over and over and how can you authentically incorporate them into your speech?

Kids especially have a certain vernacular- I’m definitely NOT encouraging people to awkwardly slip words in that feel uncomfortable or unnatural.

“That’s ‘rad’ man”

But it is figuring out the point of view those words come from; the family of ideas they relate to. It’s not just cut and pasting a word, but reflecting a thought rhythm and rhyming with that language style.

There’s an art to matching someones speech to align more with them.

In the past, I could understand how people feel a bit funny about doing things like this- that it’s a bit tricky or something.

But I’ve come to value helping people achieve their own potential as one of my highest priorities- so if shifting the way I speak removes a barrier and let’s them connect with me in a deeper way, then I’m okay with it.

Find their map of language and reflect it back to help them get where they want to go.

Greatest hits of the generative classroom

“What’s funny about this?” The greatest hits of a generative classroom.

The questions we consistently ask ourselves direct our focus.

If we know that to be true – do we really have an excuse to not consciously direct the atmosphere of the environments we lead?

When I’m feeling the least creative, the least generous and the least accommodating of others, the questions in my head all rhyme with each other:

Why is this so hard?

How much longer?

Will they ever get this?

Why am I so bad at this?

You can pretty much guess the limited types of answers these get.

A new question is: “What is the environment I want to create and what are the recurring questions I can ask of myself that will create it?”

Here’s the greatest hits:

“How many smiles can I give? … Or get?!”

“What’s funny or surprising about this?”

“How many ‘a ha’ moments will I create?”

“What will I learn?”

“What breakthroughs will we create together?”

These all presuppose the presence of newness, of joy and learning. They open the door to possibility.

How many generative questions will you create today?

Take responsibility for your remarkable results

What’s a remarkable result you created recently?

Sometimes lighting strikes in the classroom- for whatever reason you were absolutely on fire. You were off book, speaking from the heart and the kids were completely connecting to the learning material effortlessly.

When I have days like this I remember why I do what I do.

And then there’s the part of my brain that says it was a fluke and there was some special set of circumstances outside of my control that made the lesson happen like that…

I have to fight this part of my brain.

It says that remarkable results are outside of my control. That it all depends on what the kids ate, whether they got enough sleep or if it’s a cosy rainy day out there.

Sure, these things contribute. But the minute I start yielding responsibility to things like this, I stop myself.

What was awesome about that day in the classroom? How did I contribute to it being that way?

We can treat it a bit like a recipe. What did I do first? How exactly did I do it? And then what happened?

When I break it down like this I always find the patterns that worked. And the great thing about recipes is they can be replicated or experimented with.

If you’ve don’t it once before, then you can do it again. And I’ll do you one better; if someone else has done it once before then you can do it too.

Or how about the ultimate: If you can picture and imagine it, then you can create it.

Take responsibility for your remarkable results- then make more of them.

Are you using questions or are they using you?

At drama school they taught me about “working questions”. Basically it was a tool to reverse engineer performance and art. My first go at working questions were pretty clunky:

“How can I use lighting in my work to enhance story telling of the character’s plight?”

Not super juicy… BUT a way better orientation to work than just “Wow, that’s good! I wish I could make something like that!”

They taught us this to transform what were seeing in artistic product into something we could work with as crafts people.

Questions, by nature elicit responses. So by asking a question, you’ll get some sort of response. A quality question get’s a quality answer.

The difference between:

“Woah! How come I can’t make anything like that!”

To

“How can I make something like that?”

It’s subtle but extremely powerful. I’m amazed at how many times daily I use this skill.

Useful, inspiring and cool things

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