Isn’t it interesting how we can forget the fundamentals so easily?
A walk in the middle of the day will probably improve your mood. So will some exercise.
Completing a massive task in many small chunks (not all at once) is a lot less taxing.
Getting enough sleep will make the joys of life crisper.
Yeah, those fundamentals. Move, eat well and sleep enough- and keep reminding yourself to do it!
Do you know the feeling of being unbelievably motivated to do something?
Its the feeling of inspiration when you first decide to do something. You’re there at the finish line when a friend comletes a marathon. You’re in the audience at an award show. You attend a concert and imagine yourself up there performing.
There’s that feeling- “YES! I will do that too”
It’s a powerful feeling. You’re completely associated to the feeling of the goal.
And at that time it isn’t just a goal, it’s a visceral sensation. A pull that can be unstoppable- no one could change your mind at that time.
The further we get from that moment, the more we get disassociated with that powerful feeling.
The trick, then, is to somehow stay connected to that feeling.
It’s like a plug. The vacuum works perfectly when it’s plugged into the power source. The moment it’s unplugged… it stops. The further from the socket it gets the more useless it becomes.
The vacuum needs the plug. We need to re-associate constantly with that initial experience.
Find your way of doing this and don’t stop for anybody.
I’m beginning to wonder whether progressing in life is a series of doing things before you’re ready.
The nature of growth is that it is something just beyond where you are now. So in the moment before growth, by definition you aren’t there yet; you’re not ready.
I did not feel ready to teach for the first time
I did not feel ready to launch my own business
I did not feel ready to hit send on my first offer
These events only have two things in common: I was never ready and they completely changed my life/
Hmm- interesting.
Could it be that the life we want is just outside of our comfort zone?
I think it might be.
In a bad mood? You have a choice.
Feeling overwhelmed? You have a choice.
Feeling bored? You have a choice.
I like to remind myself that I always have a choice. Things may indeed be really difficult. When I have a few too many things to do I can buy into the hype of overwhelm and “stress as a status symbol”… but that’s all it is; hype.
And hype is rarely worth buying into.
You can have a lot of things to do AND still be fun to be around.
You always have a choice
If they can you can.
We’d do well to remember that if someone else has gotten a result, that means we can do that too.
There may well be exceptions to this rule, but why focus on the exceptions?
If there’s a belief that serves you, you might as well believe it.
“Yeah but that person is really tall”
Or
“Yeah but they’ve got years on me.”
Or
“Yeah but I live in the wrong place”
Sure, if you look you’ll find the exceptions to any rule. And the exceptions are also handy to let us off the hook.
It’s much risker to choose to believe that if they can you can.
Don’t let yourself off the hook. What do you want? Has someone else done it?
Great.
So. Can. You.
The only time you would actually use martial arts is a situation you don’t really want to think about.
You’d hope you never actually have to fight someone- yet you still train.
Sure, there is learning to be had in the pursuit, but when it comes down to it, the purpose of it is to fight.
I think it’s similar for self development.
It’s easy and enjoyable to learn about it and apply the theory in hypothetical situations…
But it only matters when things get hard.
When the going gets tough, that’s your real chance to use it.
It might feel uncomfortable and not as fun as the other stuff- but this is exactly what you trained for.
If it’s hard right now, that’s good. This is what you trained for.
Use it.
To kick a rugby ball you need the right form.
You approach the ball at the correct angle. You run up on the correct leg. Your breathing is a certain way. Your foot meets the ball at a precise point and follows through as the ball glides up.
Kicking the ball, holding the golf club or making the high jump requires your body to be in the right form.
This isn’t magic; it’s form.
And form isn’t limited to sports.
Take a second to imagine these…
What is the ‘form’ of an excellent writer?
A fast reader?
Or a highly engaging speaker?
What does an effective teacher look like?
What is the form of an efficient artist?
What does an entertaining host look like?
You may be able to conjure these pictures in your head. (If you can’t, now’s a great time to find some models.)
If we can imagine their form, we can adopt it.
If we can adopt it, we can get similar results.
Success doesn’t happen over night.
Luckily, neither does failure.
We’re so encouraged to ‘not miss a day’ or keep the chain unbroken
The danger with this is if we do miss a day, we may throw the baby out with the bath water.
One ‘off’ day doesn’t mean it’s all over. Neither does a few in a row.
In fact, you could have a year of ‘off’ days and then make a new choice at any moment.
How good.
Success or failure is just a series of choices. The more you make in one direction the more you get.
Don’t let a few bad choices spoil the bunch.
Missed a day? That’s fine, you still have tomorrow.
(and the next day)
Here’s a frame to set abstract outcomes succesfully.
An abstract outcome is what I call something that doesn’t necessarily have a finite beginning or ending. Want to enjoy a day with the family? Have a restful day? Feel like a cool uncle?
These are all abstract and so they require a frame that pulls them from the abstract into something you can action while not necessarily being able to measure or quantify them
Stealing from the actors’ methodology of objective and action, have a think about what it is you want to do.
-I want to make my mum feel special.
-I want to make my niece feel heard.
-I want my friend to feel inspired.
These could qualify as objectives for an actor to play in a scene. And if they’re good enough for an actor they are good enough for you! They say a good objective for an actor should have it’s test in the other person. Said another way, is your objective set up in such a way that allows you to, at any moment, use your senses to ascertain how successful you are in your pursuit? This is what keeps actors active and it can do the same for you too.
This one is less useful for actors, but super useful to you. The strongest force in human psychology is to remain consistent with our identity. So choose the identity you will live into. I will be a loving son. I will be a strong partner. I will be a playful prince. What ever is is for you! When we are intentional about who we are being when we show up, we are far more likely to act in congruence with it when we pursue our outcome.
So using the frame we put the two together.
“I will make my mum feel heard and be a loving son.”
Or
“I will light my students up and be a master of ceremonies”
-What you want to do?
-Who you want to be?
When the outcome isn’t clear cut, see if this fit instead.
Most things are comfortable in theory.
We can follow through, we can be vulnerable, we can take rejection, we can weather failure easily….
… in theory.
It’s why they say talk is cheap.
It’s really easy to talk about the hard stuff in the abstract. “Someday if things are hard…” or “if this ever did happen…”
When it comes to the moment, how can you be sure we can still make good on your talk?
