A characteristic of the New Zealand upbringing is to make sure you aren’t standing out too much. We’re taught not to be a ‘know it all’, not to be too loud and that over confidence is to be avoided at all costs.
The term ‘show off’ as a negative is one of the most damaging things a young heart can hear.
This is why I’m banning you from saying it.
Words have effects, because of what they infer.
To call a kid a show off and tell them not to do it is inferring that what they have to ‘show off’ is not of value.
It’s inferring that you shouldn’t share things you’re excited or proud of.
It infers that you definitely should not own and flaunt the things you think you’re good at. In fact, you shouldn’t think you’re good at things.
Don’t be a show off.
As simple and harmless as it sounds, I believe its a real act of violence. It’s making the worse possible assumption of someones intentions. Of course, we can encourage kids to have a bit of grace in their gifts. Or assist them in improving them.
But we must never sever the sprout.
Yes, confidence and arrogance are on a spectrum and I’m saying that nuance should always be honored.
What is our intention? Do we want to push down the flurries of ‘showing off’ in an attempt to keep their creative spirit at bay? Maybe protect them from being teased?
Or, do we intend to lift up? To encourage? To feed the flame and signal safety? To say:
“hey that thing you’re trying takes bravery! Wow, look at you go! I honour you for it!”
Never flippantly extinguish this flame. Fan it!
